remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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