I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
