Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
