I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
