she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
