we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
