Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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