Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
