I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
