I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
