"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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