the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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