I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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