weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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