Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
