And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
