whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
