did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
