This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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