seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
