Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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