I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
