I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
