so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
