she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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