haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
