he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
