Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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