I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
