don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
