I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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