i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
