i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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