I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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