wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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