10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
