Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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