I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
