So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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