I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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