I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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