what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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