fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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