I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
