it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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