I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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