You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
