I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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