i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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