he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You are the jesus of drinking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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